Curious Courting

How curious.

I forgot where I was.

One forgets to turn with or against.



Behind raw iron icy bars,

I want to say all of this is true.

How long I yearned,

For the Lord of Death with icy breath.



Loitered beneath the gas lamps’ flare,

Like little painted figures on a screen

And still, to strive anew, we turn away.



I feel faint kisses creeping on my lips,

He, with his gentle hand,

His eyes were clear as crystals.



Together, away, we step



And to dreamworld pine away.

Things I Didn’t Know I Loved

Things I Didn’t Know I Loved

Emulating Nazim Hikmet

By: Josephina Garza

It’s 2020 April 3rd

I feel my skin crawl and my walls move in,

I’ve been playing chess for 9...10..11

Maybe more days to come

I never understood how to shut myself away

I need fresh air

            To feel it across my arms and face

I need laughing

            Children, mother, father, fiancé

I need family

            A break spent shut away

I need home

            A warmer bed, with blankets piled high

And yet here I sit

            Computer propped open

                        Cursor mocking me as I wait…

It can't really be that much longer

Can it?

The wait for kisses so rough

Laughs so full 

Ideas so complicated

            They fill this little room and

                        Slip out of open windows

Only for reality to set in…

I took for granted things grander than four walls

I need wings

            Something yummy other than sandwiches

I need movies

            Popcorn and dark rooms with strangers

I need animals

            A dog...maybe a cat...hell I want a ferret

I need a tattoo

            To scratch the itch at the back of my leg

                       

But again, I sit and wait it out

            Held captive by fear

                        Strangled by news

It can't really be that much longer

Right?

My roommate watches as I wrestle

My roommate laughs as I whine

I fight against the itch

            But would it hurt to

                        Open the door 

To step outside and take a deep breath

I feel my skin crawl and my walls move in,

I’ve been playing chess for 12...13...14

Maybe more days to come

It’s 2020 April 4^th now

To Sit and Watch it Burn

To Sit and Watch it Burn

I’ve lit the world on fire,
                I’ve laid our lives down…
                                I’ve decided to watch it burn.

With a single strike,
                a flurry of keys,
                                I dropped the match and sat back.

Together we will sit,
                Together along the curb,
                                We’ll watch our world burn.

Hold my hand,
                Squeeze it tight,
                                Understand that nothing can hurt you.

I hold no regret,
                you shouldn’t either,
                                I am the only culprit.

Traditions laced in blasphemy,
                happiness dripping in sarcasm,
                                Faith lifted by anarchy.

Oh, sweet children,
                oh sweet life,
                                gather round and stay warm.

I’ve lit the world on fire.
                I’ve laid our lives down…
                                Poured gasoline upon the skeletons.

Sun kissed and Gnarled

Sun kissed and gnarled

Her hands are the piece of her that
I remember the most.
Hands that had seen so much,
tending to gardens,
gone once she left us.

Raising children,
Two girls complete opposites,
a boy so spoiled.
Grandchildren and great.

Hands that blessed the unknown,
crossing our bodies and houses,
chasing away the bad juju.
Wrapping us up in faith,
Driven by a fear of the unknown.

I feel her hands on mine,
pressed tight,
tracing the lines of my own.
Gnarled from use,
battered by life,
gone.

Emulating A Small Needful Fact

Name

Name

They shaped it different
Replaced a letter, added another.

Later,
as I grow. I hate it.

Why can’t I be fluid,
graceful as all the other children.
Or rough and straight forward.

It’s the pause in attendance,
the look of panic and a trill of dreed.

All we have is our names.

Mine is a mix of letters,
a jumble of sounds, all mispronounced. 

Later,
as I figure it out. I still hate it.

I’m knobbed kneed,
awkward as any teenager.
Loud and unapologetic.

It’s the giggles in the back,
the whispers of a bigoted room.

All I have is her name.

I honor the story,
correct the sounds.

Later,
When I figure out me. I accept it.

I’m a talker,
no nonsense as adults get.
Proud and amazing.

I protect it now,
stop the mistakes before it continues.

All I have is my name.

Fire and Chaos

Fire & Chaos

Emulating Nature

I am uncontained and destructive. I’ve created
for years only to destroy the unseen. Siphoning the
air and cultivating the deranged. Corralling inhibitions,
foregoing logic, breathing in the hallucinations,
discharged by anarchy.
Byproduct of the lost and lonely. Feeling twisted into...
Into the children born of blood and ash. Caressed and loved,
fire in my veins, so hot, so wild, so undeniably mine. Forever,
embracing and building. No order, no water, no triggers to…
To hold me down while the world becomes mine.
I will forever be fire and disorder.  The pyre wrapped in chaos.
Let those that stand in the way, understand. You are complete.
Once the sparks have taken, once the mayhem has taken root,
all that stand before you, will become consumed.
I shall stand and hold them out, left licked and kissed by hearth,
right disheveled by laws left open. I shall offer you what is necessary.
We all must become. We do not burn alone. We consume and grow.
In Fire & Chaos.
In Rage & Turmoil.
We shall rise together. We shall never be alone.

Field of Dreams

Field of Dreams

Emulating Eye of the Tiger

ACT 1, SCENE 1

JOSE AND JOSIE. SIT ON THE BLEACHERS OF DAVIS BASEBALL FIELD.
HIS EYES TRACK A BUG WHILE JOSIE WATCHES THE SKY.
A FEW STARS SHINE.

JOSE: If we decide, we can become them.
JOSIE: I don’t wanna becomes them, I want to capture them.

JOSE CHUCKLES AS HE WATCHES HER FOR A MOMENT.
JOSIE’S CLOSES HER EYES AND SHE LEANS BACK.
THE COOL AIR CARESSING THEM BOTH.

JOSE: Ten years down the line we’ll fight. It will be so bad I’ll lost site of what it means to be us.
Josie: But it sounds like we’ll be together down the line. Probably when ten years turn into twenty.

JOSIE OPENS HER EYES AND LOOKS DOWN AT THE ABANDONED FIELD.
GRASS GROWS ALONG THE BASES; THE CHALK LINE TORE UP AND FADED.
CATCHERS GEAR LAYS OVER HOMEPLATE DUSTY AND BROKEN.

JOSE: When I start to hate you, when you decide we are no longer the same. I hope you remember it was you that decided. Said that we could no longer play this game. I want you to understand what kind of turn around this will cause you. If you lose me…then what are you?
JOSIE: I will be stars. I will be something out of this world. I will be hated and loved. I will be lost among the masses not understanding the…

JOSE STANDS AND MOVES DOWN THE BLEACHERS. HE LOOKS UP AT HER AND HOLDS HIS HANDS OUT WIDE. THE FIELD BEHIND HIM DISAPPEARS AND HE TURNS TO LOOK OUT, OUT AMONG THE STARS.

JOSE: Significance of yourself. Of how much you’ll grow, how much you’ll suffer. In thirty years’, time, I will hold my hand out again and hope that you take it.  Hope that one day we’ll be one again.
JOSIE: Then I hope when that day comes…I won’t be so scared to hold your hand again.

Apostles' Creed

Apostles’ Creed
Modification of Rosary Prayer
                                                                                                                              

[I grip the beads so tight my little hands turn white,
Crossing the man over my body as I recall the Creed.]

“I believe in…”
Myself, the creator of panic and dread.

[I roll the beads wanting the end to be near.]

“In Jesus Christ…”
Our only failure, our destruction, conceived by the unashamed.

[My grandmothers hushed whispers chant along the little room.]

“Born of…”
Two people gripped tight by the duality of man.

[I let the beads fall from my hands as I lift my head to look.]

 “Suffered under…”
 Religious rabble, was beaten, died and was hollow.

[The room is full of people, of family, strangers, and hate]

 “He descended into…”
loss; the second day she didn’t rise.

[The spot beside me is now empty but the tears of my mother ring.]

“He…”
She, ascended into Heaven, to stand before her Father Almighty.

[I reach for the rosary and bring it to my lips, the Creed slowly slipping away.]

“I believe…”
In her my grandmother, the holy light of my family.

[All the heads bowed forward as the casket rests polished at his feet.]

“The Communion…”
Forgone for fear of blood and body.

[I move to stand gently as my rosary is gripped at my side.]

“The Forgiveness…”

Of children lost in a world without parents.

[As I make my way slowly to the front, the murmurs of the Creed gripping me tighter.]

“The resurrection…”
Of demons now allowed to run rampant in all that ring true.

[The priest recites as my own tears begin to fall and the Creed of my family dies away.]

“Life everlasting, Amen.”

The Matriarch

The Matriarch

Halo’d by gilded cordόn,
finely detailed in white crochet,
graced by faith.

Wrapped tight in a bata,
plain and unadorned.
Kneeled in fallen petals.

Hands clasped in unspoken oraciones,
while beaded gems count out
the creed of a by gone man.

Children gather round,
cries of want and fear,
ringing out as the lord shines down.

Oh, Holy Mother,
guide us now,
mal espíritu,
Wraps it’s manos
round our necks...

And all I hear is your words.

“Cross your self, father, son, holy spirit.”

Tiny hands lost as they think of the boogie man.

Beautiful Bones

Beautiful Bones

Life is short, I hold him as he cries.
Life is short, ambulances wail louder while
neighbors stand and watch. It’s the hushed
whispers and yells of mama that bring
the world roaring back. I tell myself that
all will be well once they fix the red
stains. I hold him tighter as slowly he becomes
the color of fresh ash.
Life is short and you are leaving to early,
you promised a forever, we only got a year.
I grip you tighter as your boney fingers
slip away. Coming to, I watch as you fade away.
As the only sound that echoes is me being pulled from you.
We tried to find something beautiful,
We tried to create something beautiful,
and yet beautiful took you away.

A-Z

A-Z

A child breaths
back into chaotic
changes of dulled
dangers. Embracing
errors of future
fancies. To gamble
gallons of happiness.
Harnessed by insects of
Insecurities. Justifying
jaded feelings wrapped in knits.
Kneed by the longing.
Labeled memories,
Mirrored by nails
Nestled together. Overly
Obsessed in painting
Petty royal Queens.
Quit while your ahead rascal.
Real world situations,
State trouble
Takes time to understand.
Utilizing the vulnerability.
Vandalizing times of wonder.
Wander the xerix,
Xeroxed from youth,
Yearning to Zealot,
Zillions of Anxieties.

Body Image

Body Image

I use my body as an escape.

Letting hands glide over hills,
while search lights roam,
casting secrets into the open.

Rivers of tears
carve out cheeks,
chapped lips,
and broken collar bones.

Who am I to doubt the foundation?

I lay myself out for understanding.

Earthquakes uproot shoulders,
gnarled fingers dig out channels,
feeling for form among the many.

Stretches of land
engraved with marks,
inked with graffiti,
and twisted by fat.

We accept the outcome.

I destroy an image to feel peace.

An Ignition

An Ignition

A Man once told me to Burn the World.

To set fire to the trees and let the ash rain around me.

He told me to plunge my hands into the death of the world,

To paint with fingers of black and blistered red.

Induced by the fear and consumed by the hatred,

To regurgitate the vile, morbid, destructive world.

A Man once told me to Burn the World.

To light a match and smile as the Flames consume my hands.

He told me to trace the colors and hold in my screams.

To let papers and words do what I’ve never been able to.

Illuminating the inconsistencies,

To shadow the perfection.

A Man told me to Burn the World.

To create my own Igniter.

Fire, ink, paint and ash,

To dig into my veins.

Carving out the stories of joy and hate,

To set Fire among the masses.

A Man told me to Burn the World.

Told me to be who I was meant to be.

He said it so low and then shouted it out loud.

To make it Burn within me.

He handed me the match.

To Never Burn out.                                                                                                

To the Man who started the Fire